The curse of the 'should have'

It's a lot easier to look back on the mistakes you have already made and decide how you would avoid making them again than it is to look forward in your life and figure out how to avoid making them in the first place.

Of course, I should have paid more attention to what was going on with my IBD, I should have continued taking the Pentasa, I should have gotten another referral from my Doctor to see the GI when I was feeling the symptoms but I didn't. So how do I avoid doing all this again?

It's so hard to say because I don't know what's going to happen in my life in the next six months.

Probably the best thing to do would be to go home to England, where I don't have to worry about not being able to afford to see a Doctor but...I like living in the US. I just worry about what it's going to cost (not in money, in life) to stay here. I know that UC is a 'do not insure this one' pre-condition, which they're not supposed to be able to do anymore (but they can still jack up your rates).

And it occurs to me that a life lived in regret is no life at all.

It's just so hard to try to stay positive when I have this hanging over my head, like a guillotine ready to drop at any moment.